You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
