i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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