yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
