Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
what the fuck happened to the tacos
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
