So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
