You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
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