the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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