im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I FOUND THE LEGS
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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