first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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