She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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