Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
You're like the curious george of whores
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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