So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
