K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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