I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
