I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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