Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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