drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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