shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
