I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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