I wish life had little blips of pornography
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
