Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
