His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
