smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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