i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Randomize
