I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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