No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
vagina is talking i cant
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I'm experimenting with sincerity
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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