i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
