Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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