I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
