Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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