So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Randomize
