either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Randomize
