Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
