did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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