i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
