Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
