we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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