You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
