Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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