Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
i think im in europe. pls send help
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
