That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Randomize
