what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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