i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
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