You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
