You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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