Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
