my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
