When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
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