Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
