OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
