Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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